Our journey to Early Permanence (EP) was a rollercoaster, from the hope of IVF and vasectomy reversal to the heartbreak of failed implants and miscarriage. Throughout it all, we always saw adoption as a real and equally valued way to bring a child into our lives, never as second best, but as an opportunity to love and nurture a child.
Looking back, our story is about hope after heartbreak. When we began adoption training, we knew little about EP and initially thought we would follow the traditional adoption route. After everything we had been through, we felt emotionally exhausted and wary of more uncertainty.
One training session changed everything. We learned that EP could give a baby stability and security from the earliest days of their life, while decisions were being made about their future. We also understood that, even if a child returned to their birth family, we could still have played a positive part in their story.
That was when we realised what adoption truly meant to us. It wasn’t about us becoming parents. It was about doing what was best for a child. The risk and uncertainty sat with the adults, not the child. It was daunting, but we knew it was right.
Shortly after approval, we were matched with an unborn baby girl, due the following week. When we arrived for a meeting with her social worker, we discovered she had been born the night before. Suddenly, everything became very real! We laughed, cried and rushed to buy clothes in every size, overwhelmed by excitement and trepidation.
We remember staring at her in amazement. She was tiny, beautiful and completely dependent on those around her. She wasn’t legally our daughter, and we had no guarantees about the future, but the love was already there.
The early months were exhausting. Alongside the sleepless nights and learning to care for a newborn, we travelled several times a week so she could spend time with her birth family before returning home with us. We knew she could return to her birth mum at any point. We would have been heartbroken if she had left us, but we also knew that, if returning home was right for her, it was what needed to happen.
For us, adoption means putting a child’s needs before your own wishes, however difficult that may be.
We were fortunate to build a positive relationship with her birth mum and later her birth dad. Through daily diaries, photos and updates, we helped them stay connected with their daughter. Adoption doesn’t erase a child’s past, and we felt it was important to honour that.
Our social workers supported us through the most challenging moments, while we leaned on each other, sharing worries, offering reassurance and finding reasons to laugh along the way.
Today, our daughter is 16 months old, and her adoption order was granted four months ago. People often tell us how lucky she is. We see it differently.
Lucky children can remain safely with their birth families. We are the lucky ones.
We had the privilege of loving and raising this incredible little girl. She didn’t just join our family; she completed it.
