Letter Exchange

Letter Exchange (replaces Letterbox, Indirect Contact) is where letters are exchanged between adopted children’s birth relatives and adoptive parents. Letters are exchanged instead of/ or as well as other forms of staying in touch, such as digital exchanges or meeting up times.

The benefits

Keeping Connections Alive
Letter Exchange (previously called Letterbox contact) allows adopted children, their birth relatives, and adoptive families to share letters, photos, and updates safely and positively. Research shows that most adopted children benefit from having information about their birth family as they grow up. This connection helps children develop a stronger sense of identity, reassures them about the wellbeing of their birth family, and reminds them that they have not been forgotten.

Supporting Adoptive Families
For adoptive parents, Letter Exchange provides valuable insights into a child’s background, family traits, and medical history. These exchanges often make it easier to have open conversations with children about their adoption and early life experiences, helping to build trust and understanding within the family.

Maintaining Sibling Relationships
Many adopted children have brothers and sisters living with different families. Losing contact with siblings can be distressing, so Letter Exchange provides an important way to maintain these relationships safely, helping children feel connected to their wider family.

Reassurance for Birth Families
Letters also reassure birth relatives about the child’s progress, achievements, and well-being. Knowing how a child is developing and thriving in their adoptive family can help maintain positive relationships and peace of mind for everyone involved.

Summary
Letter Exchange benefits children, adoptive parents, and birth relatives alike. It supports identity, strengthens family relationships, maintains sibling connections, and encourages open communication -all in a safe and supportive framework.

How it works

Letterbox arrangements are usually drawn up before the child goes to live with their adoptive family. These arrangements set out exactly what will be exchanged and when the exchanges will take place. The best interest of the child will always come first when the nature of the contact is being decided.

Once an agreement is in place, a confirmation letter is sent to both families. Reminder letters will be sent out a few weeks before news is due to be exchanged. If a letter from the birth family doesn’t arrive in the due month, we will send a reminder letter.

Letterbox contact is made between the adults on behalf of the child(ren). The child(ren) can contribute, for example by including a drawing, handprint or by writing something when they are older, but only if they want to.

Only items which can be easily posted can be exchanged through the letterbox service. Your agreement may include:

letters
photographs
cards
drawings

Exactly what can be sent, when and how often will be agreed before letterbox begins.

Adoption West will photocopy all letters and cards so there is a complete record on the child’s letterbox file in case anything is lost in the future.

Our letterbox coordinators can offer advice and ideas to help you write your letter.

Confidentiality in Letter Exchange

Letter Exchange is a safe and secure way for adopted children, their adoptive families, and birth relatives to stay connected. Confidentiality is central to the process:

Private Information: Any news or updates shared through Letter Exchange are intended only for the recipient. Birth relatives are responsible for keeping this information safe and must not share it publicly, including on social media platforms such as Facebook.
Contact Details Protected: Addresses and telephone numbers are never shared between birth relatives and adoptive parents. All communication takes place through the secure Letter Exchange system, ensuring everyone’s privacy and safety.

This careful approach ensures that children can maintain meaningful connections while protecting the privacy and well-being of all parties involved.

Sharing letters with your children

When your child is first placed with you, your adoption social worker will guide you on how to introduce Letter Exchange, taking into account your child’s age, understanding, and emotional needs.

It’s important that children know from the outset that you are engaging in Letter Exchange with their birth relative(s). This helps them feel secure, included, and aware of the connections in their life.

As children grow, conversations about Letter Exchange can develop, helping them understand the purpose of the letters and the relationships they represent. Sharing letters in a thoughtful and age-appropriate way supports identity, trust, and a positive sense of belonging.

Tracing Birth Relatives

Deciding to trace birth relatives is a big step, and it’s normal to have questions about privacy, safety, and the impact on everyone involved. It’s important to know that these processes are handled carefully and confidentially.

Specialist Support
For adults who have been adopted or in care, Family Connect (https://www.familyconnect.org.uk) is a specialist website that provides information and guidance about tracing birth relatives and exploring origins. This is a helpful starting point for anyone considering this route.

Intermediary Services
We recommend using a registered Intermediary Service, which provides professional assistance in contacting a relative of an adopted adult, and vice versa. These services ensure that any contact is safe, confidential, and handled sensitively.

Our Support
While we do not provide an Intermediary Service ourselves, our Birth Links service offers a one-hour consultation to discuss:

How intermediary services work
The nature and availability of support for tracing
The potential impact of contact on all parties

Practical Guidance
For more practical guidance, see the Tracing Birth Relatives: A Practical Guide at http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk. This resource helps adopted adults, families, and practitioners navigate the process safely and responsibly.